Gone Fishing

This morning, at church, Bill gave a talk out of John 21; and as we read through the first part of the chapter I was struck by one line.

Simon Peter said, "I'm going fishing." (Matthew 21:3, NLT)

What was going through the mind of Peter?

He had been the guy that boasted to Jesus that even if everyone else fell away that he, Simon Peter, would remain a faithful follower to the end.

He had been the guy that less than a day after this boast had denied to even know Jesus not one, not twice, but three times. Now we rejoin the story as Jesus has risen and appeared to a few people a few times; showing up and disappearing quickly. 

No instructions given. No plan to follow. Just the hope that the choice to follow Jesus had not been in vain.

And what does Peter do? He goes fishing.

There have been times in my life when I suddenly found myself upside-down. In those times I found myself tempted to freeze; to simply stay put and hope that something would happen that would decide my next action for me.

Even now, with so many decisions facing me regarding my schooling, my career, and my family there are times that I simply want to shut everything out and let everything decide itself.

But Peter went fishing.

When life got to be too much he went back to what he knew and it was precisely there that Jesus showed up to guide him the rest of the way.

It was good for me to come across that one, simple line today. I think I needed to be reminded that faith is moving forward when the path is not clear; that often the answers come not in the deliberating but through the momentum of action.

Striking A Balance

I just finished reading a book this week that really challenged me. The book is titled Planted: A Story of Creation, Calling, and Community which tells the story of the author (Leah Kostamo), her husband, and their adventure in starting and running a Christian conservation community.

I will say that the author does a wonderful job of storytelling. I found myself engaged in the struggles, weeping for their loses and chuckling at the oddities that life has thrown their way. However, more importantly; the book really made me think.

For years I have found myself in a bit of an internal transition. As I would read Scripture, the Genesis account of creation, the stewardship of humans in the Garden, the story of Noah and the ark, and prophetic references to the promise of a restored Earth I was struck by the role that Creation played in the story woven through the pages of the Bible. As I would enjoy a warm sunny day with my sons or meditate on the beauty of a wildflower defying urbanization by pushing up between the cracks in a sidewalk I would feel a tug deep down to claim my birthright as an Image-barer of the Creator.

I don't know if it was this shift that lead Heather and I into more a more natural approach to life or the natural approach to life that fed this internal change, but there has been a change in the way I view our biome.

I have take a more active approach toward recycling and reducing the amount of waste I produce directly and indirectly. I have even tried my hand at gardening a few times (though I found that my once-green-thumb does not seem to work as well in Florida). So I started reading Planted thinking almost subconsciously that I was going to be able to pat myself on the back for all the good I do. But as I got further and further into the book I found myself almost resenting Leah and her oh so environmentally friendly self.

I was confronted by pride; by how my egocentric view had blinded me to how little I was actually doing in the grand scheme of caring for the whole Earth. Thankfully, as I neared the end of the book I was given a quote that helped put everything in balance.

In the last chapter of the book Leah writes of her own challenge in feeling that her efforts were so small and the words of wisdom that her husband spoke in moment of her frustration.

Calmly, he responded, "We are going to do what is right. We aren't going to save the world, Leah. We are going to do what is right."

It was almost as if the author knew exactly what was going on in my head and my heart as I neared the end of the book and strategically placed those words for my mind to tell my heart.

I don't have to save the whole world. I don't have to reduce my carbon footprint to third world level or eat only food that I grow or kill myself. All I really need to focus on is doing right. I can be free to strike a balance between where I have been and where I feel God leading me.

What does that look like? I don't have specifics now, but I can share them as I find them along the way.  

The Blame Game

In the wake of gun violence many want someone or something to blame.

Many seem to want to blame guns for the violence. Some say it is violent television and games that have created a violent culture. Some even want to blame our mental health system.

But they are all wrong.

Guns can no more be blamed for gun violence than cars can be blamed for drunk-drivers or forks be blamed for obesity.

I don't believe violent media creates a violent culture, I think it is our violent culture that creates violent media.

Sure, there may evidence of mental health in the cases of some of these shooters, but poor mental health cannot excuse the reoccurring darkness of human history.

We can ban guns, we can stop violent movies and games from being made, and we can slap labels like "insane" and "monster" on those that commit atrocities but it will never get to the real root of the problem.

Evil.

The post-modern existentialism and the acceptance of the idea that humans are no more than physical beings that resulted from evolutionary forces have not prepared us for the reality that we are all caught in a supernatural battle between Good and Evil.

Since Cain killed Able humans have struggled against evil and it is only in context of that realization that we can hope to deal with evil in our world.

We can't pass laws to protect us from evil. We can't build walls to keep it out or cages to keep it in. The reason is that evil lives in the heart of every man, woman, and child.

Only when we realize the meaning of "we do not battle against flesh and blood" can we hope to push back against the evil in our world.

The Wrong People?

In light of all the "fiscal cliff" talk recently I have been wondering if we have not been sending the wrong people to Washington D.C.

Many of the politicians that end up being elected to public office are lawyers.

Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with lawyers. I am just wondering if this is the best profession from which to choose the men and women that run our government.

Lawyers are essentially wordsmiths. They make a living based on how well they can use and interpret words. So how might things be different inside the beltway if we started electing men and women from other professional backgrounds?

What if we sent more accountants or CFO's? Is it possible more decisions would be made on the fiscal impact on the country rather than the political implications on the next election cycle?

I guarantee that if we started demanding better we would get it, and not just in the form of new candidates the next time around.

Politicians these days are like chameleons, they change to match their environment. And if more people were truly committed more to getting our fiscal house in order than to getting our pet projects funded then even the current elected officials would magically become better at math and basic economics.

But maybe the real problem is that We the People are so engrossed with tabloids and celebrity worship that we don't even want to send the right people. Is it possible that the majority of voters care more about how well a person can deliver a speech than they are about the candidate's resume?

If that is the case; are we electing the wrong people or have we simply become the wrong people?

The Precarious Balance of Love

The whole of Christianity is based on love, and as broken creations we try our best to live up to the unconditional love that God has for all of us. Yet, God is holy and cannot be permissive of sinful actions. So how can I emulate God in what can look much like a paradox?

In the Christian culture there is a cliche, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." But how many Christians can actually make this work?

Science has now proven that humans have an inborn dislike for those that are different than us. Babies as young as 3 months old will shun puppets that prefer different snacks than the child does and will even approve of bad things being done to the puppets that are different than the baby is.

This is even more evident when we look at the human response to sin.

I can laugh at a joke about overeating on Thanksgiving because it matches my own gluttonous behavior. I have sympathy for a young man who shares my struggle with pornography. But when the sin being committed by another is different than my sin I find I am less likely to "love the sinner." And if the sin is one that I would never commit I find it easier to even justify hatred for the sinner.

Scripture is clear that sin is sin. There are no acceptable sins or a hierarchy of good sins and bad sins. So why do I feel justified in my shortcomings while condemning others for theirs?

Is it okay to hate someone simply because they sin differently than I do?

I hear a lot of talk on both sides about whether or not gay marriage should be allowable by law. But what if legality is not the issue?

I will make it quite clear that I think living a homosexual lifestyle is sinful. However, I will also make it quite clear that I believe homosexuality is no different in the eyes of God than cheating on your spouse, having sex outside of marriage, or indulging in pornography.

Maybe I am just missing it, but I have not heard a great deal of outcry from the Christian culture to impose criminal penalties and prohibitions against fornication, adultery, or other lustful behavior. What makes homosexuality different?

Do I wish that all the people in the United States of America would choose to live by God's law? Yes! But I feel that we, as Christians, may be approaching this the wrong way.

What if I took all the energy I put into trying to get laws passed and instead used that time to learn how to better love people (even the ones that sin differently than I do) and how to better love God by dealing with the sin in my own life?

Laws can modify behavior but laws are not very effective at changing a heart. Speed limit signs are posted all over the place, but most people only obey them when they are being followed by a police cruiser. Only God can change a heart, and if more of us had a heart change we would not need to have so many laws changed.

We do need laws, and ultimately I don't have a problem with people seeking to make the laws of the society they live in better match their own morals and values. But as Christians I think we need to be mindful of how our actions in the realm of civics affect our ability to connect with others on a personal level.

I think real change will come when we learn to show love to our fellow humans and compassion for their brokenness and direct our petitions not to our man made government but rather to God through prayer and fasting.

One To Ponder

I will not be writing a long post on this one. I simply saw the following quote from Mr. Zacharias posted on a friends Facebook status and thought it worthwhile to ponder.

Comment if you care to.

Where Is the Silver Lining?

I had been waiting for Heather to be ready to tell everyone about what has been happening in our life before I wrote this post.

For those that don't read Heather's blog or follow her on Facebook or Twitter, we recently had a miscarriage.

We first found out that there was a problem when we went in for an ultrasound a week and a half ago. When the technician got about half way through the procedure she looked at us and mouthed the words, "I don't see a heartbeat."

I didn't want to hear that. I could not accept that my child was no longer with us.

The doctor who reviews all the sonograms (who happened to be the OB that delivered Jaron) had us schedule another ultrasound for this past Wednesday. And leading up to that day we were hoping and praying for a miracle. Mistakes are made from time to time and I was clinging to the hope that the technician had simply missed something.

That was not the case.

I have seen people argue that a baby isn't a person until it can survive outside the womb, but that is not how this loss feels to me. In my mind and heart this was my child. I had dreams and plans for this child and it was as much a part of my life as Aedyn and Jaron.

I really was not prepared for how this has affected me.

I have had people close to me die. I even lost my 3 year old brother when I was 11, but there is something dissimilar about how I feel right now. Unlike other deaths I have experienced, this time I have this nagging compunction that I could have or should have done something to save this child.

Of course, this remorse I feel is unfounded. As I have told Heather multiple times, this was not anyone's fault. There was nothing that I could have rationally or reasonably done differently and it is quite possible that there is nothing that could have been done at all; but that knowledge has not pacified my feeling of guilt.

I also feel lost as how to respond to Heather. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know what to do for her. I hate that I don't have an answer; that I don't have a plan for what to do next.

I guess I just need to be patient with this, and with myself.

Thank you to everyone for your support during this time. Heather and I appreciate and covet your prayers.