I didn't have to say it like that...

A few days ago I wrote a blog about how to take criticism.

After writing the post I had planned to do a follow-up on how to give advice. The only thing is that last night I proved to myself that I still have MUCH to learn on the subject.

At work I tend to be the definition of "by the book," simply because I don't see grey areas open to debate. I don't see exceptions to the rule. All I tend to see is it is wrong or it is right; but last night I learned that sometimes all right can be all wrong.

Last night I made a critical comment a co-worker in my typical truth-not-tact manner but when I heard the response from my co-worker I realized just how rude my comment came across.

Later in the shift I approached this co-worker to apologize for my behavior only to find out that this had been only the latest in a long string of actions that had made this person think that I hated her.

Here was a co-worker that I had trained; someone who looked up to me; and nearly all I have offered from the first day I met her was hurtful criticism. Upon learning how my actions and words had affected her I felt that even the best apology I could offer was not nearly enough.

Have you ever had a moment that you knew immediately was going to be a turning point for your life? A moment that you would look back on in the future and say, "This is where it all changed?" Last night was one of those moments.

Last night I realized that it is not enough to simply speak the truth.

Last night I learned that I didn't have to say it like that.

"Well, you didn't have to say it like that..."

Criticism.

Even though I understand the importance of being corrected when I make a mistake I still won't say I like criticism. And if the criticism comes in a particularly harsh form it is even harder to take.

But...

One thing I have learned about criticism is that it is up to me to weigh out the correction being given; to separate the facts from the frustration.

Let me put it this way.

Let's say that I was invited to make a keynote speech at some big event (hey, it could happen). Now let's also say that as I am preparing for my appearance I brush up against something and get a big smudge on my face.

On my way to the stage I run into two people; my best friend in the whole world and my worst enemy in the whole world.

My friend, not wanting to embarrass me in front of my enemy, says nothing to me about the mark on my face. However, my enemy takes advantage of the opportunity by emphatically pointing out my problem.

In the end, which person helped me more? My friend who chose to be nice but would have let me take the stage in front of thousands of people with a huge mark on my face, or my enemy who rudely criticized me but allowed me the opportunity to clean my face before taking the stage?

In the end, the best thing for me is to accept the truth about a situation regardless of how polite or kind the delivery comes across.

The next time someone criticizes you... try to find any truth that might be hiding in their message... even if they could/should have said it nicer.