How My Son Has Helped Me Cope With Job Searching

"Why should I hire you?"

Being out of work is really never fun.

Okay; I take that back. Being out of work can be fun for the first week or so (unless you get your wisdom teeth out). After that, being out of work just gets tough.

Luckily for me I have two sons that have been helping me through my days.

As you can see, Aedyn has been helping me out with some role-playing to get my interviewing chops back.He is tough.
I actually think I was on my way to getting the job before he asked me that word problem with the 5 apples and 50 bowling balls.

Who has 50 bowling balls in real life?

Sometimes You Just Gotta Dance!

Sometimes you just gotta dance!

While it has been a little stressful being out of work these past few weeks, I will say that I have loved having special moments with my family.

Tonight I had one of those moments.

Heather was away teaching her first ballet class in years (Hooray!!) so it was just me and the boys.

Since I have been writing more frequently these days I have started listening to music while I write and have especially taken to putting on a Pandora station I created around the electronic dance style music of the group, Daft Punk.

The songs are mostly upbeat and don't have lyrics, so I can set a great pace for myself without getting sidetracked. But back to dancing...

Finishing Well

I have never been a strong finisher.

Starting well is easy.

A new project. A new recipe. A new diet. A new job.

I can deal with the frustrations and bummers because the new there is energy and excitement that helps me see all the possibility and promise in the new things in my life.

The problem I usually face is when the excitement wears of and the reality of my situation sets in.

Wisdom Teeth and Job Searches

So, what's up with my title?

Well, these are the two most significant topics in my life as of late.

For a few years now I have been experiencing intermittent pain from my two lower wisdom teeth. Since the pain has not been constant and I didn't have dental insurance for most of that time I have just been getting by with ibuprofen to take the edge off.

After I was promoted to General Manager last October (more on that front later) I could actually afford dental insurance. The down side was that I was working a new job that required a minimum of 50 hours a week and we were headed into the busiest part of the year.

Not a situation conducive to having oral surgery performed.

So... I waited.

Then, two weeks ago I was asked to step down as General Manager at the restaurant. All of the sudden I have plenty of free time and have to move quickly before my insurance runs out.

I would like to think that usually I am a pretty tough guy; but getting my wisdom teeth extracted was a big deal.

I decided to go ahead and undergo general anesthesia. Not only was it recommended by the oral surgeon, it was covered by my insurance.

As time passed and I came closer to the appointment I started getting nervous. This was kind of a big deal to a guy who had spent all of a few hours in a doctor's office since being born.

I was starting to worry about what would happen if there were complications that lasted beyond my insurance coverage period. I started to worry about the anesthesia.

Luckily the day came quickly and since it was first thing in the morning I was knocked out by the anesthesia almost before I had a chance to wake up.

The surgery went fine and Heather did a great job of taking care of me as I recovered.

I found that the most frustrating thing about getting my wisdom teeth removed was not being able to chew properly, and thus, not being able to taste food normally.

I have never really considered myself a foodie, but I do have a pretty good palate and enjoy cooking. So it was frustrating to cook a meal for my family and not be able to fully enjoy all the flavors.

I also found that I can be a bit impatient when it comes to recovery... okay... extremely impatient.

I over did it on Wednesday and have been paying the price for my transgressions since then.

Which leads me to the job search.

After losing my job, I had decided to be serious about searching for new employment.

I had a plan; a well laid out strategy with milestones and goals. A plan that got shot all to smithereens since I couldn't talk and was hopped up on pain meds for the better part of the week.

I will say that one positive outcome of all this "down time" has been the ability to really contemplate what it is I want out of my next job.

While I loved my last job, I didn't like all the time I spent away from my family. The last week was marked by a great deal of training, which meant I went nearly 4 days without seeing my sons while they were awake.

That may not affect some people, but it actually drove me to tears.

I really do have a better appreciation for my family after this week.

Despite my sons' special talent for getting into all things they should not, they really are very special to me and the joy of my life. I also have a better appreciation for my wife and the way she loves and cares for me and our boys.

I guess that makes this one of the best weeks I have ever had.

The Heart of Jake: Raising Barbarians

So, as I posted recently, I am re-reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.

I love the stories that John weaves into the book... and tonight I had my own story.

Today was Aedyn's birthday and we spent most of the day out and about. As we returned home from our trip to Krispy Kreme for an after dinner donut, Heather and I heard from the back seat, "I have to potty!!"

We were only about half a mile from home so I asked Aedyn if he could hold it until we got home.

"Yes, I will go potty at home," he replied. But not more than a few seconds had passed before Aedyn informed both Heather and I that he would be going potty in the grass when we got home.

Needless to say we were both surprised by his statement. The only time Aedyn has ever intentionally relieved himself in the great outdoors was during a trip to Chattanooga with Heather last August when they had to pull over on the side of the Interstate.

Aedyn became more and more insistent that he wanted to "potty on the grass;" to which Heather said he would have to ask his Papa about that one.

As I was about to answer I first thought, "No he can't pee in the grass. He can walk the 30 yards to our apartment and pee in the toilet. What are we raising, Barbarians?"

It was in that instant that I caught myself.

The world barbarian is defined as uncivilized; an outsider. That is exactly what I want to raise.

Our culture tells young men that they are supposed to be safe, controlled, meek... that they shouldn't pee in the grass. But I want to raise my boys to be is something different.

I want them to be unaccustomed to the dull and dreary expectations civilization has for them.

I want them to be at home in the wilderness, to be an outsider to the world of "nice" guys.

So I let him pee in the grass.

The look on his face was priceless. You would have thought he had scaled the Matterhorn or wrestled a wild tiger into submission.

I had given him permission to be a man... a very small man, but a man none the less.

The Heart of Jake: The Wild Frontier

I recently had a conversation with someone at work about one of my favorite books of all time: Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.

What I came to realize in the course of the conversation was that it was time to read the book again, so I decided that a good way to process my way through the book is to blog about it as I go.

The very first thing that recaptured my attention is a section John calls "Westward Expansion Against the Soul."

As I read the words Eldredge has written about the feminization of masculinity in our culture I can see how the pressure around me tries to force me to be more tame, predictable, safe, sensitive, manageable, efficient, and all the other adjectives and labels we use to refer to the "nice" guy.

Just as our society puts unrealistic and damaging expectations on women to be perfect, I feel that there is an unrealistic expectation for men to be "nice."

Think about it. The highest complement we can dole out is, "He is such a nice young man."

But who wants a "nice" guy?

Nice guys don't make great men.

Being a father has been an interesting exercise for me.

I love my sons and I don't like to see them hurt, so far too often I find myself instructing and teaching them to play it safe. But often enough I remember that they are boys, that they will someday be men, and that to be the men that God designed them to be they will need to know their way around the wilderness.

The wilderness has a special place in the narrative of men.

Adam was formed in the wilderness.

God met Moses in the wilderness.

Jacob wrestled with the Angel in the wilderness.

Elijah sought God in the wilderness.

John the Baptist lived in the wilderness.

Even Jesus spent time in the wilderness before He began His ministry on earth.

And like these men, and countless others, I want my sons to know the strength that comes from understanding their "wild side." Heck, I want for myself to know the strength that comes from understanding my wild side.

As I continued to read through the words Eldredge left behind as a treasure map for men I found myself invigorated. It was as if the deep in John was calling to the deep in me and awakening something that had been dormant for years.

I started to see how I had let the "safe" back into my life in so many ways and how the real heart of God was to call me out of bondage and into His promise for my life. My problem is that the safety of my bondage is easy. Just like the Israelites who yearned to return to Egypt after God delivered them from the hands of Pharaoh, I wanted to go back to what I knew even though I knew it would kill me.

But that does not have to be my story.

I don't have to be led around in the desert for my whole life because I am afraid of the battle before me. I can make the choice to find God in the wilderness and let Him lead me where, when, and how He sees fit.

The Age of Participation Trophies

It has finally come...


The day when all those kids who got A's for average work, gold stars for mediocrity, and trophies just for showing up are all grown up. Well, legally at least.


It is the "Occupy" generation.