Shame

The other night I was at work and became especially frustrated. That night the restaurant had become thoroughly trashed.

People had let their children throw food and other debris on the floor with not thought of even the most rudimentary clean up before leaving. Table tops everywhere were covered in a thick layer of various sauces. Napkins were tossed or dropped and ended up caught under chairs.

I commented to a co-worker that if I left a restaurant in such a state I would be embarrassed to ever go back. Then, as we mounted the monumental task of returning the dining room to "like new condition" we discussed the fact that our society seems to have lost the ability to feel shame; and not in a good way.

We have "reality" shows that praise teenage mothers and showcase drugged out celebrities and various odd and ends that comprise the dregs of humanity. We have schools where students violently and physically attack teachers... and are proud of their behavior. We have taught our children to never let anyone make them feel ashamed, but is that really a good idea?

Where is the Shame?

I am in no way condoning verbal and physical abuse or using shame as a tool of oppression; but sometimes a little shame is a good thing.

Shame is what a person should feel when they have acted dishonorably. A small dose of shame can even be good when a person comes up short or is found inadequate. It is that shame (and wanting not to feel it again) that motivates a person to become better, to strive to overcome their limitations and rise to the top.

Greatness is not cultivated in a luke-warm atmosphere of bland equality where everyone gets a trophy. It is not found where there is no pain in losing.

Greatness comes from everyone doing their best to be the best. Greatness is found when the young man, shamed by his last place finish, devotes himself to discipline and training so he can win the race.

between faith and reality

There are times in our lives when we are required to make a proverbial leap of faith. For some of us it is more frequently than others, but we all have that moment when we cannot be sure of the outcome and yet must make a choice.

What is it that separates those who move forward with hope and anticipation from those who shrink back in fear and doubt? I believe the answer lies in the people we choose to be around.

I believe it was Sartre who once commented about one of his students who had come to him for advice on making an important decision. Sartre pointed out that by asking for his advice the young man had already made up his mind and that to find his answer he needed only to understand what he hoped to hear from his teacher and why he wanted that answer.

I often say that, despite what I may appear to be, I am not a flexible person; I simply have thought up multiple contingencies for most situations. And something I find invaluable during strategic times in my life is the wise counsel of trusted advisers.

Just tonight I was thinking about a situation that caught me by surprise and about the men that I sought out for advice on the situation.

At first the entire situation really frightened me. I mean really scared me deep down. But as I started thinking about who I wanted to talk to about the problem I asked myself what I wanted to hear from these people and why.

So, what was I looking for?

Hope.

I believe that I was looking to men that knew me; men that had seen my potential as well as my flaws; men who knew my past and expected me not only to survive but to triumph. I wanted to be reaffirmed that I had meet adversity before, and though I may not have always won that I was still standing.

I don't pretend to be some perfect person or dare to claim that I have the secret of success, but I can't help but believe that I am increasing my odds of victory by surrounding myself with people who give me hope that even if I fail I have it in me to rise and rise again if needed.

Who is it that helps you bridge the gap between faith and reality?