Helicopter Parents, and why I refuse to be one.

Helicopter Parents.

You know the ones I am talking about.

Constantly hovering around their child, ready to intervene should anything happen to their precious little angel.

The term "helicopter parent" was invented by Foster W. Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay in the book Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility.

In Scandinavian areas these parents a named curling parents (referencing the sport of curling) because they try to sweep any obstacles that show up in the child's path.

It seems that the term "lawnmower parent" is also used to indicate parents who mow over anything and anyone in their child's way in order to make a smooth path.

As a dad I am just going to say that this type of behavior is downright stupid.

I want my boys to grow up knowing that their success will rest on their shoulders and that if they want to make a name for themselves they need to get their rear in gear and make something happen.

Life is not always easy and it is not always fair, but it isn't supposed to be.

This may sound a little counter-intuitive, but I firmly believe that it is our failures that produce character and make us who we are.

When I look back on my life I see that it was not success that helped me grow and mature. It was not winning that makes us better, it is the struggle.

There are even examples in human physiology.

In weight lifting, the fastest way to build muscle is to lift until failure, or to lift a weight until your muscle literally gives out.

Don't get me wrong.

It is not that I want my boys to suffer; and if I thought that suffering was the end I probably would want to do everything in my power to protect them from the hardships of life.

But suffering is not the end.

I will teach my boys that failure is only what you make of it. That failing is not the end of the story if you don't let it be. I will teach my boys that failure is just one step toward success as long as they don't give up.

I will teach my boys that competition can be healthy for them even if they lose - even if they don't make the team.

Why?

I want my boys to grow in character as they grow in stature. Because I want my boys to become men, not just boys dressed up like men.

Because I don't want them to grow up helpless.

And that is why I refuse to be a Helicopter Parent; because I just love them too much not to let them fail.